I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
