i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
