You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
