That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
