i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
