you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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