the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
