His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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