I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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