I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
