everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
