At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
