As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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