You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
