Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
