You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
