is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
