Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Who died my cat blue again?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
