I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
