No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
