I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
