There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
