she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
