my mouth tastes like poor choices
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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