Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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