How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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