Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
