Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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