He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
