I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
