Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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