Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
