i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
