did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
