do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
