Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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