At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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