I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
