Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
