you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
