So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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