I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
