Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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