dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
