She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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