I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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