She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
