I skipped work to stalk him.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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