This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
