Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
