How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
